Lessons I learnt from a year of running.….and finally completing
my first Half Marathon last week -
Sometimes you are your only competition. I am
fiercely competitive by nature, and my competition was always with the external
world. I wanted to score the highest marks in school. I wanted to get into that
coveted college. Every time I lost, I wanted to know “who” won. And by “how
much”. I always had a mirror that turned out and reflected the world’s
achievements on me, making me oscillate between exhilaration and
disappointment. Running made me that turn that mirror inward. And start
focusing on what I best I could do. For the first time in my life, I stopped
being harsh with myself. I learnt to listen to my body, respect what it was
telling me, and treat it gently. I allowed myself more mistakes, less guilt in case I couldn’t do what I had set out
to do, and a lot of positive strokes to keep going. As I ran faster on the track, I think I gave
myself the freedom to slow down a little in life.
Being left behind is not such a bad thing. When you
are competitive, you want to keep pace. And
stay ahead. Lifestyle, job, salary – there was always a measuring scale, and slipping
downwards on that scale made me a tad anxious about how I was faring in life.
But throughout all the runs I participated in this year, I got used to seeing
people go past me. And surprisingly, it didn’t make me restless. I actually developed
a strange sense of comfort with being the last in the race. Because I knew I
was giving it my best, every single time I ran. Running truly fades the
concepts of winning and losing into insignificance – I’ve never heard any of my
runner friends say “I want to win the marathon” or “Damn I lost the marathon”
It is of no consequence, because they all know that nothing beats the privilege
of being in the race. Yes it is a privilege. Even if you are the last to
finish.
Discipline is the most underrated virtue of life. And routines
are a must. For a year almost, I woke up and ran every Sunday morning. I never
in my life imagined I would do it. And neither did many people around me : )
Running every Sunday alone is obviously not enough discipline and I wish I had
more of it. But both running and writing have taught me the value of just “showing
up”. Whether at the writing desk or on the running track. There is no concept
of “Today is not my day”. You got to make everyday your day. Even if it is
pushing you away.
There is pleasure in pain. Say if you will that I
have masochistic tendencies, but the soreness in my limbs after a long hard run
would often be accompanied by a tingle of pleasure. I loved the stretch my body
felt. It was a pleasant surprise for me to know that after years of being a slave
to my body, I could finally dictate to it. I could control it. I could make
demands on it. And it would oblige. Even if that gave me some pain in return. I loved being in charge again.
If you want to know whether it was really worth it, you
have to stay the course and cross the finishing else. While you are at it,
you wonder if you really need to put yourself through this. There are enough
bad days that make you feel miserable. There is a despondency that sets in when
your timing just doesn’t seem to improve despite all the trying. But here it is
– I choked mildly when I was about 200 metres before the finishing line, which
is when I finally believed that I had done it. And the feeling is incomparable.
I will keep running just to feel that way all over again, because it is the
most reaffirming feeling, putting to rest all your self-doubts, fears, anxieties.
Fundamentally, at a very deep level, I know this is true of life. Keep going –
everything else will follow.
After many many months, I’m going to be tucked into my bed
on a Sunday morning tomorrow, giving myself a break from the running, and catching
up on sleep instead. Strangely, it doesn’t excite me all that much. Can’t wait
to get back on the track : )
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